The Routeburn.

After the Kepler, we needed to decompress.  We needed to sit in a car and let wheels take us to sites in a much more expedient manner.  And so we drove along the road to the edge of the Milford sound. (We might have signed up for the Milford Sound Track – but it generally books out a year or so in advanced).  I must note that up to this point I had done very little driving (except along the straightest, dullest of roads of Canterbury – thank you cautionary SK), but SK wanted to look out the window and so we switched.  On these windy roads full of tourists in giant RVs who were all – like me – driving on the “wrong side” of the road I had my second driver debut.  All too aware of my own discomfort and my distorted capacity for depth perception, I drove alongside others sharing similar disabilities.

We were driving along the footprints of long past giant snails – also known as glaciers.  Occasionally these slow moving ice mollusca would crush the mountains previously separating them – creating earthen canals of rock and grass.  Other times, the mountain’s ridges were spared the eye of a glacier’s intent and remained intact – only for humans to later bore holes for spying cars eager to see the fjords left in a glacier’s violent wake.  My eyes were no less greedy and eagerly soaked up the magnificence of geological wreckage. From the road the grass daringly swept up the steep sides of the fjords as if to sooth the mountain’s still wary jagged edges.

SK and I only had a day of rest: our tight itinerary had us booked on the Routeburn Track the following night.  And so we slept, and woke up, and lazed our way to the start of the track with the slowness privileged only to those rash enough to discover they could hike two days in one.

The Routeburn is an odd track because it is one way – and with New Zealand’s characteristic lack of roads – it takes a five hour car ride to return to whichever side you start on.  Such motor vehicle relocation costs upwards of $200 per person: the Routeburn is a track for Classy individuals.  They even have a luxury version where you have your gear helicoptered from one “hut” to the next – and by hut I mean a five star cabin.  However, the track is also for those of us with tents who would rather spend the five hours doing the walk a second time and save the $200 for a skydive instead. We were, obviously, of the latter ilk.

The Odd Leaved Orchid.  One day when I get a real person's camera - this will be a national geographic quality photo.

The Odd Leaved Orchid. One day when I get a real person’s camera – this will be a national geographic quality photo.

However, the variety of the track and the general accessibility meant we met people from all walks of life – walking the same life for at least a day or two. We walked near an excited Irish botanist who pointed out the rare Odd Leaved Orchid (Aporostylis bifolia) [yes that is its actual English name].  We walked near an American with a Southern accent who was on the posh guided walk.  We walked near some local Kiwis.  But most importantly, we walked near ourselves.

Our steps were moisture laden and the muddy track gave our calves an extra workout as we tiptoed around them by the gift of protruding sticks and stones. Clouds haunted the skies, and while it did not rain, their presence alone drew out every vapour of water in the surrounding air.  Fiordland (the area that encompasses both the Milford and Routeburn Tracks) has an average rainfall of 22 feet (7 metres) – so although things were coated in clouds, we were fortunate it was not raining.  Furthermore, we were fortunate it had rained the night before: over doused lakes along the ridges staved an overflow with trickling waterfalls. The wind picked up and, with flirtatious fingers, teased the water from gravity’s loyalty and flung its spray laterally through the air to land on our faces.

By this time, SK and I glowed together – the ups and downs of drive and exhaustion brought us together, cementing our team spirit in the way only familiarity can.  After our first day’s hike we curled around our books on the pebbled edge of a mountain lake.  Although, I’ll admit, I did not read.  My mind was distracted by the braille of a heart beat amidst the lines of rising and falling lungs on my day’s last page. Across the water’s surface I saw the saddle of tomorrow’s walk and considered the adventure of an off track shortcut.  But how could I cut short any step of this breathtaking walk?  No – I must take the long way round.

The next morning, our first steep stretch was duly rewarded with an awe inspiring panorama.  The snow from a few days before still hung to the Milford’s rooftops – giving us the feeling we were explorers far beyond a few hours walk from civilization.  We reached the Harris Saddle, dropped our packs, and took the detour up Conical Hill.  The day, against statistical odds, was perfect and had shed its nebulous coat of the day before.  From our vantage point we could see the dark turquoise lakes responsible for our walk’s aqueous accompaniment.  We continued to follow the water’s gravitational flow to the other side of the saddle, where it dropped down a slope so steep it practically paralleled the trees. And, as many of our hikes seem to, it ended in Valhalla: a field of golden grass. As we set up our tent, we made the convenient acquaintance of a cloud reader (i.e. someone who worked for the Department of Conservation).  He pointed wisely up at the wisps of clouds starting to thread through the dimming sky.  “Cirrus, they’re moving quite quickly for cirrus.  It will be pouring buckets tomorrow night.”

But I want to write quickly about what it was like to sleep in a valley so deep.  It was like being sheltered.  I never feel so safe as when I have tall mountains guarding me.  The comforting quiet and the mysterious yet mostly soothing sounds of unseen sources.  It’s places like these I purposely drink a lot of water and don’t take out my contacts before going to bed, so I am forced to wake up and have the 20/20 vision to drink in the unobscured sky.  I had forgotten the impending rain, but I caught the last of the stars before larger clouds blocked my sight. I did not have time to mourn as the silky cry of a Ruru owl (En: Morepork Ninox Novaeseelandiae) sent enough chills in my overactive imagination to quickly return me to our tent.

The next morning, SK and I started back from whence we came.  The clouds had indeed closed in, but the presence only filtered the light in such a way as to spotlight patches of the surrounding flora in a golden olive glow. We spoke to the cloud reader before we left and he said it would start raining sometime late afternoon.  So our intent was to get to our campsite before then.  But our speed was greeted with us meeting our destination at noon.  So we decided to continue on to our car and as the clouds crushed closer, we slipped inside our car doors just in time to turn on our wipers for the first drops.

Driving along the Milford Sound.

Driving along the Milford Sound.

SK's feet resting at the end of our first day on the Routeburn.

SK’s feet resting on a pebbled lakeside at the end of our first day on the Routeburn.

Gorgeous view of the ridges across the other side of the snail canyon.

Gorgeous view of the ridges across the other side of the snail canyon.

SK and me with our photogenic surroundings.

SK and me with our photogenic surroundings.

Me on Conical Hill's highest point.

Me on Conical Hill’s highest point.

SK with our destination at his right shoulder (your left).

SK with our destination at his right shoulder (your left).

Crossing by the mountain top lake responsible for our waterfall companions.

Crossing by the mountain top lake responsible for our waterfall companions.

The kissing rocks!  Which, for some reason, I didn't take a whole picture of.  These massive boulders leaning against one another are part of the trail.  And a reminder the surrounding cliffs used to be a lot less steady than they are currently.  I assume.

The kissing rocks! Which, for some reason, I didn’t take a whole picture of. These massive boulders leaning against one another are part of the trail. And a reminder the surrounding cliffs used to be a lot less steady than they are currently. I assume.

The waterfalls next to Routeburn Falls Hut.  We skipped this and went to the flats because there wasn't a place to put our tent.  But it was a lovely view from the track.

The waterfalls next to Routeburn Falls Hut. We skipped this and went to the flats because there wasn’t a place to put our tent. But it was a lovely view from the track.

Starting the 16mi (25.5k) back to the car as the clouds work up their ominous magic.

Starting the 16mi (25.5k) back to the car as the clouds work up their ominous magic.

Back to the Harris Saddle.  You can see here the shelter available for the more inclement weather.  How the day turns...

Back to the Harris Saddle. You can see here the shelter available for the more inclement weather. How the day turns…

The Curse of the Queen Charlotte

Aside

3:30 AM   Wide awake.  I can hear the ocean tide tripping its way to our precariously placed tent.  The pebbles just beyond tumbling over themselves as the waves push and pull them in its encroaching crawl. I breathe slowly and try to believe we are not about to be swallowed by the Earth’s strongest muscle. Just wait 15 minutes more and fall asleep. Just 15 minutes…

Two days earlier, SK and I struck out from Nelson an hour later than intended.  We drove to the Marlborough Sounds to start our month of adventure with a two day hike on the Queen Charlotte Track. Following the lesser advertised Antimony Mines track, we skirted the costly ferry ride while taking in best views on the hike. For future walkers: the trailhead is inconveniently unmarked.  In blissful ignorance of the laborious miles ahead, SK and I cooed over the pockets of hydrangeas and rogue goats crossing our path. We enjoyed a drink at the Furneaux Lodge on the ocean’s edge of Endeavor Inlet. I contemplated whether or not this would work as a wedding venue. The thought was overturned due to its proximity to an old mine. An experience with a horror film at 16 (The Hills Have Eyes) left me with a fear of forgotten mines.

Back on the trail,  we continued to think romantically of the fingers of land stretching elegantly towards its Northern counterpart.  By 6:00, it wasn’t so charming.  Not realizing from the Lodge we still had 6.5mi/10.5km to go, we dragged our way around every bend with the false hope that it would be the last. As the sun lowered behind a ridge I was considering camping on the track itself, but SK pulled through with his positivity and 20/20 vision and spied Resolution Bay. We set up our tent on the edge of the inlet, sleeping bag and eyes parallel to the lake-like calm of a posing ocean. Bordering on “Hangry” (Hungry + Angry = important vocab for this post), we undercooked our dehydrated food.  With the pacifying caresses of salubrious ocean wind we didn’t register the ache of our yet-to-be-calloused feet.

As we turned off our headlamps, an unearthly screeching sliced the silence.  “What is that?” I whispered to SK, hoping the local would dispel my fears. “I have no idea.” Great. So that left it up to my overactive imagination to determine it was probably dead miners come to kill us.  I ran through my mind defense options, realized tents are pretty vulnerable, and went with “freeze”.  Then the noise turned robotic: like a raging battle between Transformers was taking place outside our tent.  This was when we discovered a hole in one of the sleeping mats.  Having grown up on futons (similar to rocks) I offered to take the defunct pad.  Between the inhuman death threats and my merciless mattress, I endeavored to dream.

By 6AM I gave up and grumpily switched sides with SK. Refreshed by noon, we again eased into the fun of youthful travel and ignored the fact we had booked a date with dolphins a six hour hike and five hour drive away in Kaikoura for 5:30AM the next morning. A run in with a DOC official cleared up the mysterious battle cries of the night before, “Did you hear the weka last night?” Weka: the joke-of-a-bird with no sense of self-preservation that had literally walked into our fry pan while camping in Golden Bay the week before. So not only are weka “dumb as”, they also make robot noises when defending their territory. New Zealand’s wildlife is full of oddities.

4:00 AM.  I couldn’t lay down any longer: clearly the tide is coming in. I would have to go examine the water line to double check before waking SK an hour earlier than necessary.  I unzipped the tent and crawled out.  Pointing my headlamp to the ocean and I saw waves lapping 15 feet away. Okay, that’s fine. I looked to where our car was parked and on the far side saw a dark line creating a disagreeable edge: the high tide mark. “Oh *$&#!”

After trudging our way back up the steep Antimony Mines Track, we raced around a billion hairpin turns to Picton.  Picton is the port for the North-South Island ferry so I was under the assumption there would be great options for food.  I was wrong: everything was closed.  With expectations squandered and my hungry stomach ambushing my senses, I did the mature thing and blamed SK. Taken aback by my quite audible hostility, SK calmly drove to the grocery store.  At this point I realized I could either diffuse the situation before it really sparked up or I could continue digging the proverbial hole.  I crossed my arms: “I’m passed the point of hungry.”  “Are you sure?” SK was really giving me the benefit of the doubt.  Inner Dialogue (ID): Say it, say you’re kidding. Go IN and feed!! “I am not coming in.” I pouted in the car while my growling stomach made it clear I had just lied for the sake of an argument.  SK came back with his food and a few apples: “There’s an extra apple if you want it.” ID: Great opportunity, Jade.  Don’t shoot yourself in the foot in your raging pride. Apologize. “I told you: I am not hungry.ID: Nice, dolt. I barely helped SK navigate and by midnight we gave up finding a campsite and parked the car in a pull-off bordering the ocean.

And that’s how I found myself at 4:15AM making the choice to be swallowed by the ocean or wake up an equally turbulent boyfriend. I hedged my bets on the human being more forgiving. I yanked my sleeping bag out and threw it in the car: clearly there wasn’t even enough time to put it away properly. SK closed his bleary eyes against my headlamp: “Jade, what are you doing?”

Jade: “The tides coming in!  Get up!”

SK: “Jade, the tide is not coming in. We’re fine.”

Jade: “I saw the high tide mark: we’re lower than it.”

SK: “How far away is it?”

Jade: “We only have, like, five minutes!”

SK: “You’re just not used to the sounds of being near the ocean.” I started striking the tent while SK was still in it. SK crawled out of the tent and started brushing his teeth and walked towards the far side of the car.  I put the tent in the trunk. “Jade,” SK’s eyes fell on me and then looked pointedly at the ground.  I knew forgiveness would be a little harder as I realized my high tide mark was actually just the edge of the road. Dammit.

But we were up and we were awake and so nothing could be done but head to Dolphin Encounter.  Neither SK nor I had ever swam with dolphins before, so I spent the drive trying to prompt positivity: a tall order given the last 10 hours.  Although soon enough our excitement outweighed all irritants as we were breaths away from sharing water molecules with one of the world’s most playful animals.  Armored in wetsuits, flippers, and snorkel gear: our boat of 15 aliens was ready to commune with dolphins. The first pod of 100ish dolphins pranced toward us in an array of flips and clicks and we jumped in.  Amidst the Ocean’s incubative silence, all I could see was a thick fog of aquamarine holding me close as if in a walled room.  Searching left and right I saw nothing. Then through the wall, a hand’s whisper away, a gray blur vaulted towards me. An unreadable eye scaled me quickly and she twisted down and was gone.

Now, dolphins are way cooler than us and it only takes about half a second of a dolphin’s curiosity to realize that. As such, it was our job to try and make up for our inability to swim or communicate long by entertaining them.  Here were our options:

1. Make dolphin-like noises: squeak, sing, chirp, anything in the high octaves is the gist.

2. Dive straight down: with my aptitude for inhaling the ocean: not an option.

3. Make eye contact while swimming in circles: bingo.

Given their raging A.D.D, every time I swam around in circles with the same dolphin for longer than 3 seconds, I felt like there must be some deep soul-connection between us that the dolphin could feel in order for her to stick around so long.  In our various parts of the ocean, SK and I blurred the barrier of order expectation to discover the parts of ourselves these dolphins inspired: joy, laughter, and affection. Speaking of, dolphins are extremely frisky: copulation being the preferred form of the human hand-shake.  According to our guide, one prodigious female enjoyed the company of six male dolphins in the space of 60 seconds.  Clearly the founders of Free Love, indeed the unsung mascots of the movement,  perhaps dolphins wouldn’t be endangered had they registered the trademark before the 60s.

After our last swim, below deck quickly became the sea-sick ward. Buckets were expertly distributed and SK and I, thankfully spared, rushed to the open air before we were. As we turned to shore, the pod of dolphins stayed for a little, prancing and inverting alongside, until they had better things to do and returned to bluer waters.

Entering the Marlborough Sounds.

Entering the Marlborough Sounds.

View of a section of the Queen Charlotte used for commercial green lipped mussel farming.

View of a section of the Queen Charlotte used for commercial green lipped mussel farming.

Pretty hydrangeas lining the Antimony Mines switchbacks on our way down to Endeavor Inlet.

Pretty hydrangeas lining the Antimony Mines switchbacks on our way down to Endeavor Inlet.

SK relaxing at the Furneaux Lodge.

SK relaxing at the Furneaux Lodge.

Our destination inlet!  That little white boat is still so far away...

Our destination inlet! That little white boat is still so far away…

Arrived just in time to our camping spot: gorgeous sunset over the ocean on the Queen Charlotte.  Doesn't it almost look like a New England lake?  Ohh, but it definitely isn't.  The next morning we took a quick dip and disturbed a sting ray: not something that would happen in Vermont.

Arrived just in time to our camping spot: gorgeous sunset over the ocean on the Queen Charlotte. Doesn’t it almost look like a New England lake? Ohh, but it definitely isn’t. The next morning we took a quick dip and disturbed a sting ray: not something that would happen in Vermont.

SK at breakfast with the tent drying out in the background.

SK at breakfast with the tent drying out in the background.

Found this little guy by the faucet.  Ignore the fact it's in one of our drinking cups.

Found this little guy by the faucet. Ignore the fact it’s in one of our drinking cups.

SK and me heading along the Queen Charlotte.

SK and me heading along the Queen Charlotte.

Who know wetsuits were so fashionable?  (Modeling the motorcycle jacket - 2014 Summer Collection)

Who know wetsuits were so fashionable? (Modeling the motorcycle jacket – 2014 Summer Collection)

Coming upon our first pod.  It's as if the water is suddenly alive in a concentrated storm/

Coming upon our first pod. It’s as if the water is suddenly alive in a concentrated storm/

Dusky Dolphins at Dawn!

Dusky Dolphins at Dawn!

A mama and her calf! Side note: dolphins are born tail first.  Wonder how evolution let that happen.  The other way would be so much more aqua-dynamic.

A mama and her calf! Side note: dolphins are born tail first. Wonder how evolution let that happen. The other way would be so much more aqua-dynamic.

SK and me back to "je t'aime" after playing with  the dusky dolphins

SK and me back to “je t’aime” after playing with the dusky dolphins

Dolphin's just off the coast of Kaikoura

The dusky dolphins depart to more entertaining activities.

Just before Kaikoura is a pretty substantial fur seal colony.  The rocky shores provide perfect shelter and basking zones for the pups and worn out adults.

Just before Kaikoura is a pretty substantial fur seal colony. The rocky shores provide perfect shelter and basking zones for the pups and worn out adults.

The rocky nursery is situated in a tidal pool.  Undeterred by the odd large wave, the baby seals rough and tumble in their little toy pool.

The rocky nursery is situated in a tidal pool. Undeterred by the odd large wave, the baby seals rough and tumble in their little toy pool.

Little baby seal.  God knows why these little creatures even bother coming on land.  Can you imagine having your butt attached to both your feet and having to ungraciously waddle your way over rocks and boulders?

Little baby seal. God knows why these little creatures even bother coming on land. Can you imagine having your butt attached to both your feet and having to ungraciously waddle your way over rocks and boulders?